Today was my birthday
And I felt like dying today
I was thinking in my head
And feeling in my heart
Why did God wake me up today
What was His purpose
His plan
Yeah I'm doing better
Than I was last year
And trying to stay on the right path
Though it feels like
I'm fighting a loosing battle
And torn, beated, caged, and controlled
Wouldn't it have been better
That my life would be put on hold
Yes I am a Christian
But today
My faith was waivering
Breaking
I was shaken
It felt like Satan
Was winning this game
From the thoughts in my head
The feelings in my heart
And the actions
I took part
You know
It's hard
This path
This life
This road
The Christian walk
And Jesus I don't know how you did it
But then again I do
And glad that you did
But today
I wondered
Would it be enough
To be able to see
My Father God in Heaven
One day
Not just to get there
because heaven or hell
I don't know where my place is
But to see my Father
To Him face to face
To hear Him say
Well done my child
And to be held
In His loving embrace
And being able to truly feel
Touch to touch
His sweet love
Tender mercy
And amazing grace
I've grown and got over
Not going back again
To the paths that led me
To ultimate sin
But the small things
The words
Actions
Deeds
It feels like that's more
And weighs heavy on me
I wasn't even able
Couldn't sleep in my own bed
Because of the guilt
That was fed
You may think unimportant
But there are those out there
Who would understand
When after being caught up
For so long
The tears that were cried
Pain that was felt
Bondage that was held
The idea of freedom
The things you wanted to do
Could finally do
Able to do it
Without that chain tying you down
And when you finally got the chance
A bump shows up
And makes you go back again
And knows you so well
Your deepest feelings
How you are
Who you are
Trying to b e
Take advantage of it
Uses it
To their own selfish needs
And you fall back again
I fell back again
For one night
One night
Was all I wanted
To feel the freedom
That strength
That accomplishment
Too bad
So sad
Went out the door again
She questions me at every turn
Bugs me
Won't leave me alone for a second
To cool off
To pray
So I won't take my feelings out on her
Doesn't work
Until I finally sanp
And then began to feel bad
And then when I try to apologize and explain
She backs away
And doesn't have time of day
Money thrown in my face
When as a couple we both gave
What happened to 50/50
But I guess it only counts
When you're with me
I'll help you
Just ask
Don't bring up the past
And throw stuff in my face
I feel bad enough as it is
And I feel extra
And suffering
Because I end up helping you in the end
But I keep telling myself
It's going to be okay
Paying back debts
And helping a frined in need
But then again
Not able to save up money
To get out of this place
Lord I want to
She doesn't think I want to
I tried the family thing
Didn't work
On both ends
But in their aspect
I found my peace
And it was you calling me back
To have some peace
Next month
July
That's a big month for me
With my goal and dream
And to say
Hey I can help
But also need to do for me
I can hear it now
The argument
The words she will say
The feeling of being trapped
Like I'm a user
And I've never done nothing for her
Will I overcome
Stand strong
And be brave
Lord I want to
But I don't know how
Yeah I know how
It was taught to me
And I read it everyday
But I don't know how to do it
Myself
Yeah I'm not going to post this
This is just pity and blogging I guess
I don't want pity
Or anybody feel sorry for me
It was my choice that I made
That has put me in the place that I am in
You know what. Forget it.
Who I am kidding
The devil has me in his grasp
And I was his for the taking
From the beginning
*Yep that was my birthday last year. This year was so much better and yet somewhat the same. However next year I know will be better. Cause not depending on nobody and don't need nobody to make me happy, or that will control me, use my feelings and emotions so that I turn against ME. Thank you God for letting me see 24 years. I'm not who I used to be, as I growing to be the WOMAN You want and need me to be*
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN IN YOU By Angelica AQ Grayer 08/17/2010
PROVERBS 31 (King James Version):
1. The words of King Lem'-u-el, the prophecy that his mother taught him.
2. What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?
3. Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
4. It is not for kings, O Lem'-u-el, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
5. Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
6. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
7. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
8. Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.
9. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.
10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies?
11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14. She is like the merchant's ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthenth her arms.
18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is of silk and purple.
23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25. Strength and honor are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
A friend has been telling me to do this a very long time, so I apologize for not doing so please forgive me. Another friend also once said to me, when I tried to describe this scripture and what I wanted to aspire to be. I told him that I firmly believe that a virtuous woman is inside every woman. He didn't believe me. Well you are wrong. Because it is.
I sure can't work a spindle, which nowadays would be a needle and thread or a sewing machine. Would like to learn because a good talent to have, but hopefully my husband will know a thing or two. I do not have all of these qualities and yet I am a virtuous woman.
From drug addiction, fast tailing, homosexuality, abuse, and everything ugly and bad inside of me. There was a virtuous woman inside of me. Waiting, wanting to be set free. I had the qualities of helping people however I didn't have that respect for myself or my body. Until I met a man that God used to help me. I fell in love with him and it didn't work out in the end, however I am thankful and blessed to have come out they way I am.
Sometimes we choose our own road and path instead of the one God has for us. We learn what we are supposed to learn, receive the wisdom knowledge and understanding. However, the lesson and road is harder and darker at times then it would have been, if we didn't stray from the voice and way of God. Trust me I know. Many times I've learned things the hard way that I could have learned in a easier way, when I found out and it was repeated later on. But sometimes we go through things for a specific reason, to be thankful, grateful, and wiser. That next time around. We may choose not to take the long dark road when it is not necessary. And when God has an easier path in front of our face.
I believe that there is a virtuous woman inside us all. No matter what we are going through, doing, or about to do. No matter our past, our present, and the unknown future. She is inside, waiting to be set free, unleashed, looked for, and seeked.
I once was afraid of this one, and almost did not let her go free because of fear that I wouldn't live up, take advantage of her, disappoint her, let her down, and in turn, let down my God as well. And yet I learned I have nothing to be afraid, that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. And that when this woman is unleashed, God knows the power, the love, the being, of who she is, what she will face, what she wants to do, her goals and dreams, test and trials. And HE will pull her through, guide her, test her, and yet still love her, and have mercy and grace upon. As long as I accept, change, grow, have faith, and believe. To try and not give up and at times, to not give in when deemed.
And now here I am, here she is. Young, bold, black, and beautiful. Saved, baptized in Jesus Name, smart, kind, caring, always seeking and forever learning.
And there you are, white, black, yellow, blue, green. Skinny, thin, thick, big or fat. Pretty or ugly. I didn't see no physical description in those scriptures did you? Because it's not about what's on the outside, or what the woman looks like. God doesn't care about looks. We are made in HIS image. All of us, fearfully and wonderfully made, INDIVIDUALLY! It is her works, her personality, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul. It's what's on the inside that really counts and matters. What she does, shows, and in the end proves to those who said and thought "It couldn't be you." I believe it and so should you. No matter how hard it may be. Be encouraged. Because the the Bible told you so, because God loves you so and because HE said it is so. Deemed it. And created YOU to be so.
God Bless my sisters, you are blessed and highly favoured. You are loved, and mercy and grace is upon you and with you. Believe and have faith.
This is for ALL WOMEN: Friends, sisters, family members, coworkers, aunts, grandmothers, godmothers, adoptive mothers, nieces, and enemies. A VIRTUOUS WOMAN YOU ARE!
Sincerely with Love Peace and Harmony, one who is like you. Friend, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, lover, enemy, sinner, and a saved woman. However mostly importantly. A child and daughter of the Most High God.
1. The words of King Lem'-u-el, the prophecy that his mother taught him.
2. What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?
3. Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
4. It is not for kings, O Lem'-u-el, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
5. Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
6. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
7. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
8. Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.
9. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.
10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies?
11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14. She is like the merchant's ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthenth her arms.
18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is of silk and purple.
23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25. Strength and honor are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
A friend has been telling me to do this a very long time, so I apologize for not doing so please forgive me. Another friend also once said to me, when I tried to describe this scripture and what I wanted to aspire to be. I told him that I firmly believe that a virtuous woman is inside every woman. He didn't believe me. Well you are wrong. Because it is.
I sure can't work a spindle, which nowadays would be a needle and thread or a sewing machine. Would like to learn because a good talent to have, but hopefully my husband will know a thing or two. I do not have all of these qualities and yet I am a virtuous woman.
From drug addiction, fast tailing, homosexuality, abuse, and everything ugly and bad inside of me. There was a virtuous woman inside of me. Waiting, wanting to be set free. I had the qualities of helping people however I didn't have that respect for myself or my body. Until I met a man that God used to help me. I fell in love with him and it didn't work out in the end, however I am thankful and blessed to have come out they way I am.
Sometimes we choose our own road and path instead of the one God has for us. We learn what we are supposed to learn, receive the wisdom knowledge and understanding. However, the lesson and road is harder and darker at times then it would have been, if we didn't stray from the voice and way of God. Trust me I know. Many times I've learned things the hard way that I could have learned in a easier way, when I found out and it was repeated later on. But sometimes we go through things for a specific reason, to be thankful, grateful, and wiser. That next time around. We may choose not to take the long dark road when it is not necessary. And when God has an easier path in front of our face.
I believe that there is a virtuous woman inside us all. No matter what we are going through, doing, or about to do. No matter our past, our present, and the unknown future. She is inside, waiting to be set free, unleashed, looked for, and seeked.
I once was afraid of this one, and almost did not let her go free because of fear that I wouldn't live up, take advantage of her, disappoint her, let her down, and in turn, let down my God as well. And yet I learned I have nothing to be afraid, that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. And that when this woman is unleashed, God knows the power, the love, the being, of who she is, what she will face, what she wants to do, her goals and dreams, test and trials. And HE will pull her through, guide her, test her, and yet still love her, and have mercy and grace upon. As long as I accept, change, grow, have faith, and believe. To try and not give up and at times, to not give in when deemed.
And now here I am, here she is. Young, bold, black, and beautiful. Saved, baptized in Jesus Name, smart, kind, caring, always seeking and forever learning.
And there you are, white, black, yellow, blue, green. Skinny, thin, thick, big or fat. Pretty or ugly. I didn't see no physical description in those scriptures did you? Because it's not about what's on the outside, or what the woman looks like. God doesn't care about looks. We are made in HIS image. All of us, fearfully and wonderfully made, INDIVIDUALLY! It is her works, her personality, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul. It's what's on the inside that really counts and matters. What she does, shows, and in the end proves to those who said and thought "It couldn't be you." I believe it and so should you. No matter how hard it may be. Be encouraged. Because the the Bible told you so, because God loves you so and because HE said it is so. Deemed it. And created YOU to be so.
God Bless my sisters, you are blessed and highly favoured. You are loved, and mercy and grace is upon you and with you. Believe and have faith.
This is for ALL WOMEN: Friends, sisters, family members, coworkers, aunts, grandmothers, godmothers, adoptive mothers, nieces, and enemies. A VIRTUOUS WOMAN YOU ARE!
Sincerely with Love Peace and Harmony, one who is like you. Friend, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, lover, enemy, sinner, and a saved woman. However mostly importantly. A child and daughter of the Most High God.
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